I’m still here. Despite the evidence to the contrary.
I wasn’t killed by a drone strike. I didn’t get abducted by reptilian aliens and taken to their home planet as a domestic slave. And I didn’t die choking on a Mars bar sandwich and vodka shot.
But I thought I should post specifically to apologise for my long absence for most of the year and explain why no new content has appeared here since January.
The main reason is health. My health has been atrociously bad since around Christmas. Without going into specific details about physical issues, I’ve been in very bad physical condition for most of this year. It was at its worst in February and March, when I was basically confined to bed.
I’ve been getting better slowly.
Additionally, a mix of domestic and financial issues has also been combined with the ill health. All of which has made it very difficult to focus on writing or on publishing to the site. For a couple of months it was sheer physical difficulties that made it impossible.
But since then, to be honest, it’s also been somewhat psychological too. I’ll be honest: my mental health has also been a bit shaky.
Added to this, everything that’s gone on in culture, in the news or in popular consciousness or discourse in this time has also been largely depressing, toxic or negative, as has been the trend for a while now: and I wasn’t sure that me writing about anything would be psychologically beneficial to me… or to anyone else.
Does anyone really want to hear anymore about how bad things are, or how much corruption or deception there is, or in how many ways people are being misled or screwed over? Is that doing anything for anyone’s mental health or well being? Does anyone need to be told for the thousandth time that 9/11 was an inside job? Or that QAnon is/was a bullshit psy-op for dumb people?
Does it make anyone happy?
And if it’s not adding to anyone’s happiness or well being, then what is it for?
To inform, maybe? Maybe. But a few years ago it felt like it was making some difference and having larger impact. There was a little less bullshit in the atmosphere: and things were a little less tribal and polarised and a little more intelligent and civilised. I’m not sure how you inform at all in this climate of fixed tribalism, post-truth, and total echo chamber dynamics, where grifters, fakes and modern rabble-rousers get far more traction and support than more earnest or well-meaning content producers.
Combine that with the palpable marginalisation of sites like mine and writing like mine by Google: and then add in the ongoing costs of maintaining a platform like this… And, well, that’s where some of the psychological hesitation comes in.
I’ve also been locked out of my Paypal account for some time now. That’s an issue I’m still trying to get fixed: but Paypal isn’t being very accommodating so far.
But like I said, the main issue wasn’t any of that – it was health problems.
These other issues have been festering for a while: it’s just that being inactive online for several months due to bad health made me start to look at things differently and wonder. Again, to wonder primarily whether anyone has gotten anything positive from what I’ve been doing or whether what I’ve been doing has been of value to anyone’s state of mind or well-being.
I have no interest in being another source of negativity: as there’s plenty of that out there. I only want to be offering something positive, in whatever way that might be. And the way things are at the moment, I haven’t really worked out what that looks like.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Several years ago, I didn’t have that problem. But we’re in a different time now, it seems. It’s an open question.
As I said, my health has been improving again. Which is why I’ve been able to write and post this. And this site is currently paid for for at least another year: so the site will stay up, and I intend to post new articles.
Prior to the escalation of health issues in January, I’d already done research and some drafts for new content that I never got around to posting. So, given that I can be a bit OCD about these things, I will be updating those and posting them.
And maybe in the next few months I can get back to publishing more regularly. My health is still a bit touch and go, but it seems at least to be moving in the right direction.
If this has seemed a bit rambling, I apologise. I just wanted to explain why I’ve been absent, what the main reason was (health), and at the same time be honest about some of my thoughts and state of mind about the state of things in general.
My apologies to any regular readers or supporters who might’ve been wondering what the hell happened. I’ve already spoken to a few of you via email in response to inquiries. I should’ve posted an explanation here earlier: I just wasn’t really up to it until now.
Thank you to everyone who has supported my work or engaged with me over the years. You’ve always been appreciated. And if anyone has any thoughts or response to anything I’ve said here, please do comment. I’m open to all input. You can also reach me via the Contact page.
But yeah, I’m still here. Choking on a Mars bar sandwich and a vodka shot would be a great way to go though.